Someone was obviously hit hard with the crazy stick

Now I know that Craigslist is not widely known for being the favorite Web site of sane, normal people everywhere. There are freaks, lots of them, trying to do everything from sell an "awesome" guitar and find people to test new inventions on to meeting their first-sight love. I’d just never quite attracted the attention of the sanity-challenged before now.

My perfectly average "for sale" ad...

The Ultimate Moving Sale Continues: Everything MUST Go! CHEAP!

I sold a lot on Saturday, but there is still some GREAT stuff left! Prices are $5 and up. (NO check or charge – Cash Only.)

Call my cell at ------- or email me with questions you may have and for the address. I’m moving next Tuesday, so this stuff needs to be gone by then!

Items left for sale:

• Two lamps and a portable CD/Cassette stereo – $5, $5 and $15 (respectively)
• Entertainment Center – $25!
• Computer Cabinet – $90
• TV Stand – $20
  (Bonus: The TV has to go also. It’s a color, 19” Philips – $20)
• Couch – $50
  

The perfectly nutty response...

from -----striker@mail.com
to salexxxxxx@craigslist.org,
date Fri, Jan 18, 2008 at 4:29 PM
subject The Ultimate Moving Sale Continues: Everything MUST Go! CHEAP!
mailed-by craigslist.org

I am looking for :

1) gun safe

2) kayak

3) stainless BBQ grill (propane)

4) stained glass panels

5) any unwanted firearms, ammo, or shooting gear (metal targets, reloading equipment, etc.) please send photo, price and any other information that may be helpful

thank you,
Allen

Um, no, but thanks for playing "Who Wants to Be a Crazy Person."

I will not be replying to you, Allen, because the more contact I have with you, the more likely it is that I’ll end up on the hit list that’s written in finger paint on butcher paper and pasted to your wall with Watermelon Bubble-Yum, you freaking wacko.

What part of the "items left for sale" list was unclear? The part about there Not Being Any FIREARMS listed? Or maybe he just responds to every ad selling ANYTHING with this nonsense.

If that's the case, soon we’ll start to see ads like this popping up everywhere:

“I’m still trying to sell my dead husband’s Craftmatic Adjustable Bed. It’s in great condition! Please contact me for details.
PS No, I still don’t have any firearms for sale so please stop asking, Allen!”

I guess the poor guy's never heard of a gun show? I guess it's lucky for us that he's less than smart and/or really cheap!

Literally literary ignorance

The retail company Woolworths has recently withdrawn their "Lolita" furniture line from store shelves. The line, which includes bedroom furniture intended for little girls, was nixed due to many complaints about the rather inappropriate name.

The person who thought this was a good idea is seriously disturbed. They've clearly never read the novel. Or even better, were they aware of what they were doing and thought it was clever or tongue in cheek? "It's petit and alluring furniture, why not name it after someone who was known to be petit and alluring? Brilliant!"

That's like brand name of artificial legs called Captain Ahab. They could go a step further and make bedspreads emblazoned with scarlet letters. How about starting with "A"?

Also, very nice use of the word "literally," Ms. Hanly, but I think you're being pretty optimistic there. We both know that depraved minds could think of something even tackier and more tasteless.